The Ghost of Red Dress Past – #livingwithfibromyalgia

My fortunate friends, who have taken a leak (well or a dump… Eww) in my bathroom, would have noticed this very out of place,  glamorous dress hung on the door of the bathroom. And it’s not a one off case, it’s just always there.

I bought this dress 8 years back, on my 21st birthday.( OK you know my age).. The grand 21st birthday! 21 is the 18 by USA standards. I found this dress hanging like an orphan on the walls of a store waiting for destiny to give it, it’s forever home. Well, luckily or unluckily for her… she was going home with me.

On 16 January 2010, the red dress in question,  made it’s debut into the society. It was my +1… the first time I could legally (being the key operative word 😉 ) step into a bar…. In the dim lights, it shined bright. In the loud crowd, it stood out… Among all the misfits in life, it fit perfectly …. It danced… it laughed.. it basically had the time of its life! It definitely had to! After all you only turn 21 once…..

And then it got packed and made its journey across continents in a suitcase to come to India in hope of a brighter future in, probably, a dimmer club 😉 Post which it travelled the country but somehow it’s time never came. A Special dress needs an equally special occasion. Today, ‘The Ghost of Red dress past’ hangs on a bathroom door. That is definitely not the fate it was expecting when we recited our vows to each other on that auspicious 16th of January…

Today, the poor little under-used dress just sits with fibromyalgia ..waiting for its turn…. But little does it know it does much mooore than waiting…

I Hung it there couple of months ago. Initially, I just thought such a beautiful thing, was getting wasted curled up in the cupboard….so I took it out just for a bit….eh..maybe… just to look at it…. Because I obviously can’t wear it. Well, at least not outside in public….Ok ok I confess ! …I secretly gave it a test drive when i was home alone…. I paraded around the entire house wearing this gorgeous dress over hideous pyjamas …. well that’s the only way it could have been worn…See I have this acute pain in my knees and entire legs…well, apart from the pain which only gets better by compression.  I have pain in 10000 other places, well..thank you ‘Monster F’ for making living with fibromyalgia such a pain in the ass…(curious what is fibromyalgia ?).So, I have to tie about 8 crape bandages on my legs in order to feel partly functionable. Obviously not the best fashion statement! living with fibromyalgia is definitely not fashionable!  So bye bye shorts, skirts and dresses and good looking shoes. Therefore, the red dress soon became just a showpiece and found its place at the bathroom door. Today it seems that’s where it was meant to be.

Every time I am in loo and I glance at the dress, I have a mysterious smile. It’s both nostalgic and hopeful. The ‘Ghost of red dress past’ reminds me of a  past full of fun, Joy, excitement, friendship, love…(obviously the past has its own share of mistakes, stress , grief, heartbreak and failure) but thats a given there is no upside, without the downside… Basically a freedom, spontaneity, and the ability to do what you want, when you want. .in retrospect the past looks lush green to me. Definitely greener than the present.

So coming back to the ghost in the bathroom…I could have packed it up…. Hid it far beyond my reach, but I keep it hung  right there in front of my eyes… I see it day after day. ..I don’t want it to be only a reminder of the Happy Days… I want it to also be sign of the happy days to come. A day when I would not need any of these Crepe bandages. A day when monster f aka Fibromyalgia (read about the day to day struggles of living with fibromyalgia here) will finally losse the fight and  will walk out of my life forever. That day I will walk in this red dress.

I will bid adieu to ‘The Ghost Of red dress Past’ and embrace ‘The Ghost of the red dress future’ with open arms. Till then , I guess ‘The Ghost Of red dress present’ just needs to wait patiently for the storm to pass….

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